Maturing Memories

Today, the significance of this day and what it means to so many is not lost on anyone who has been alive and aware during the past two decades.

I say this with confidence, since my daughter was only two months old on September 11, 2001 and now she fully understands what happened 18 years ago. It took her time to get there, of course, but over time, she has developed an understanding of it.

It began with questions when she was just learning to talk, "Mommy why are you sad?" and answers, "I just am, but you make me happy." Distraction helped us both through that one.

The questions went deeper as she got older, "Mommy, we did silence in school today to remember. What happened?" The answers met her where she was, "Many people died today, so we pause to honor and remember them."

Sometimes I didn't have answers. "Mommy, what is death?" "What is attacked?" "Why were we attacked?" "Are we safe?"

Six years ago, I noted my state of mind after one thoughtful debate with her. I wrote:

a debate with my insightful 12 year old daughter about the notion of "eye for an eye" this September 11th has helped me realize that working on rising above the thing that wants to make me lower myself to its level of evil, is the challenge

The anniversary, like my daughter, is now 18. Our memory is 18 years old. She is an adult. Can memories reach adulthood? She is capable of signing legal documents, voting, understanding.

Understanding. A big statement.

Do we understand what happened? Do we?

Understanding implies a sense of acceptance and knowledge - but today, I still don't have answers to her questions of 'why?' and I don't know if I ever will.

What I do know is that we are given reminders daily about the frailty and preciousness of life. The thousands who died on this day 18 years ago did not know it would be their last day on earth. The thousands who die every day, whether because of illness or tragic accidents, natural disasters or pure evil don't know that.

The last kiss or hug goodbye will forever ring in memory for the surviving. Make them count. Love deeply. Say the things that matter. Mean them. Be kind to everyone you meet, every chance you get.