Becoming Aware

I shared something with my students before class last night - admitting a recent bout with a major lack of self-awareness.

Over the weekend, my husband traveled with his son and brother to San Diego - leaving me to hold down the fort here in NJ. Readers of my blog know that his mother, now 95, lives with us. There are times when her care moves seamlessly within my daily routine. To put it bluntly, this weekend was NOT seamless. His absence - her inability to see him at least once a day - ripped all the seams apart. Frayed edges EVERYWHERE.

It was WAY harder on her than it was on me. By Monday night, her eyes were red from crying so much and she had deep, dark circles under them.

However, my experience was not nothing. I found I had pushed my experience way down deep.

On Tuesday afternoon, my mood was considerably lighter than it had been the previous few days. I tooled down the Garden State Parkway on my way to the airport and became aware of this lighter feeling. The next thing I knew, I felt the urge to sing at the top of my lungs along to some of my favorite songs in the car. But I couldn't! That's when I noticed my jaw was locked! I could not open my mouth to sing.

So even as my mood had shifted - grateful for the return of reinforcements - my lack of awareness of how stressed out I had become, led me to have a physical manifestation of that stress. I was shocked! I had managed to practice yoga throughout the weekend, timing classes when I had help or when I knew my mother in law would be napping. (so much like raising an infant) I even took a yin class Sunday - which is very soothing and meditative - that focused on the neck and shoulders. Proof that just doing yoga isn't enough. The mind/body connection needs your attention outside the yoga class.

So I invite you to now, as you read this, relax your jaw. Drop your shoulders away from your ears. Feel rooted in whatever position you are in, sitting, standing, lying down. Inhale and notice where the breath goes. Exhale and release any tension, any gripping, any unnecessary effort.

And if you feel the urge, SING!